Welcome to this week’s ‘140 Bars Or Less’ post where we look at the “best-in tweet” in the world of Hip Hop. This week is loaded with sexual tidbits as Cee Lo Green gets ‘sexy’, Joe Budden tells us how to ‘close the deal’, and Just Blaze offers friendly advice to ‘budding lesbians’.
Dissecting the funniest, most entertaining, and outrageous tweets from some of the biggest names in rap who are on Twitter. Twitter is intriguing to fans because it offers an un-buffered forum into the minds of some of your favorite artists. The material is often raw and unfiltered, and lucky for us, most of these guys have no filter.
Check out the article's Twitter account here. If you see any tweets by known rappers you think should be included then let us know @140BarsorLess.
LL COOL J
Firstly, I don’t know why the dude from N.C.I.S., and Deep Blue Sea, is giving tips about anything, or anyone from the hood. LL’s ghetto-pass was revoked with the release of ‘Rollerball’. Secondly, of course they don’t call it 'street credibility' in the streets. You know what they call it: ‘credibility’. Just like people in Jamaica don’t order ‘Jamaican Patties’, they just call them 'patties'.
Obviously, a person is going to try to conceal their physical flaws, especially if they suffer from acute knock kneeditis. What do you want them to do, wear knee pads that prevent their knees from going ‘clickity-clack’ when they walk? Actually, that’s not a bad idea…
Physical attributes aside, I don’t think Just Blaze has the disposition to pull off a ‘costume’ as a jittery Jewish guy who talks like he has mild aspergers syndrome. People would start catching on that this was a Mark Zuckerberg impostor when he began shouting ‘Juuuust Blaze’ in people’s faces.
CEE LO GREEN
Cee Lo Green can flat out sing, but a sexual maven he is not. I can’t help but feel if this man sang a track like Brian McKnight’s “If Ur Ready 2 Learn (How Your Pussy Works)” that women wouldn’t find it playful while they soaked through their panties, rather we would probably see a coalition and class action lawsuit formed for sexual assault.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts how I am an unabashed anti-cabite, so I never miss an opportunity to warn readers of the many dangers of being a passenger, or scarier yet, a pedestrian near a cab. Kreayshawn makes a funny play on words about NYC’s famous Yellow Cab, calling it ‘YOLO cab’. However, cab drivers drive the opposite of You Only Live Once, dudes drive more like YOL100. Seriously, there are deceased WWII fighter pilots, and NASCAR racers that are looking down from above thinking cab drivers are insane.
Simply have to love those nights where you over-imbibed to the point of mental lapse. You awaken with a jolt from your uneasy booze-induced slumber and immediately perform a self pat-down: keys, wallet, cell phone. A mental lapse like this is about the only acceptable excuse for Ri-Ri giving Chris Brown several chances after what he did.
Just Blaze was on Twitter fire this week so we had to show him some more love. Ladies, ‘if you’re going to have a drunken lesbian moment for show’, don’t let the prospect of a face plant discourage you. Feel free to end the show any way you feel most comfortable – there are no “bad” endings to a show like that. Besides, no one stipulated where you might plant your face.
TYLER, THE CREATOR
These are two choice tweets from a typical Tyler, The Creator Twitter tirade, where he offers that if your boyfriend is doing this to your oatmeal then you should leave him, or stop eating oatmeal. I would elect to go with the aforementioned. Trust me, if your man is spitting in your oatmeal, you don’t want to stick around to find out what he’ll do to your Cornflakes.
Tyler then ranted about how much he loved women with freckles, and called back to his oatmeal tweet to threaten any women who dare cover up their freckles. If you’re a woman with freckles, and you’re going on a date with Tyler, the Creator, might I suggest avoiding a brunch date, actually just steer clear of breakfast foods altogether. Also, you might want to skip applying rouge to your face that day.
**WINNER** JOE BUDDEN
Budden was tweeting incessantly all week about women and relationships and earned himself ‘best in tweet’ honors for the second week in a row. A few weeks back Slim Thug discussed the intricacies of bedding two women at once, and suggested all a man need to do was ask. Joe Budden takes a more ‘cavalier’ approach, and offers high-risk/high-reward advice. At least let’s hope these two tweets are related and Budden isn’t imparting misguided advice for ‘nailing’ a job interview.