The Loch Ness Monster Exposed: Unfolding The Slippery Truth

When in doubt, blame the eel.

BYMitch Findlay
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It's a mystery that has baffled humanity for centuries. The mighty Loch Ness Monster, colloquially known as "Nessie." Joining the likes of the Sasquatch, the Kraken, the Ogopogo, and the Wendigo at the council of mystical creatures, Nessie has been often spotted but never quite seen. At least, not in any manner that might suggest the authenticity of her existence. Despite vast technological developments, Nessie has remained elusive, almost as if she doesn't want to be found. And why would she, given the hubbub that would likely surround her coming out party? 

The Loch Ness Monster Exposed: Unfolding The Slippery Truth
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Despite a genuine absence of convincing information surrounding her existence, scientists have worked tirelessly to discover the answers we so seek. According to a report from CNN, some of said scientists have concocted a new hypothesis fueled by recent findings. Apparently, Geneticist Neil Gemmell has put forth the possibility that Nessie is nothing more than a "giant eel." “There are large amounts of eel DNA in Loch Ness," he explains, citing a study that found 3,000 distinct species living in the Scottish lake; despite popular depiction, none of them are, by his admission, a plesiosaur.

As of now, the Eel theory remains the safest bet. "We don't know if the eel DNA we are detecting is gigantic, from a gigantic eel, or just many small eels," explains Gemmell. "These normally grow to about four to six feet in length, and some people are saying they are observing organisms that are much, much larger than that." Yet for all those true believers out there, who refuse to count of Nessie's existence quite yet, Gemmell has a few parting words of wisdom for you. "A lack of evidence is not necessarily evidence of absence," he clarifies. "There may well be a monster in Loch Ness. We didn't find it."

The truth will set you free. 


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About The Author
<b>Feature Editor</b> <!--BR--> Mitch Findlay is a writer and hip-hop journalist based in Montreal. Resident old head by default. Enjoys writing Original Content about music, albums, lyrics, and rap history. His favorite memories include interviewing J.I.D and EarthGang at the "Revenge Of The Dreamers 3" studio sessions in Atlanta and receiving a phone call from Dr. Dre. In his spare time he makes horror movies.