After what’s felt like an eternity, Britney Spears is breaking free from her conservatorship. The “Gimme More” singer has had several facets of her life controlled for the last 13 years, and now, she’s able to speak out about the horrors that she’s endured. 

“I’ll just be honest and say I’ve waited so long to be free from the situation I’m in,” the 39-year-old wrote in an Instagram post on Friday. “Now that it’s here I’m scared to do anything because I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake!!!”

Spears then revealed that for many years, she was told that if she succeeded at things, her conservatorship would end, but it “never did,” no matter how hard she worked.

The mother of two also shared that she’s seen paparazzi running through the trees and onto the road as she drives home; her theory is that they want her to “do something crazy,” but she’s incredibly fearful of losing her newfound freedom.

“I’m celebrating Christmas way early this year,” Spears told her followers. “I believe any reason to find more joy in life is a good idea … and it’s no secret that I’ve been through it in the past … so I might have to do things a little differently from now on.

The Mississippi-born star then wrote, “Lord have mercy on my family’s souls if I ever do an interview!!! In the meantime … I’m staying clear of the business which is all I’ve ever known for my whole life.”

Although she’s been cautious, Spears has been taking time to celebrate her newfound freedom. She and her fiancé recently took a tropical vacation together, and she announced that she’s got a book about a “ghost stuck in limbo” on the way.

Read what Britney Spears had to say about her conservatorship ending below.