This week, 50 Cent sat in the commissioner's chair, firing off loogies.
In the truest sense of the words "anyone can get it," the week that was March 25th through Friday evening/this morning was an eventful one for the offensively-minded 50 Cent, as targeted every demographic coming into view. Don't let the semi-retired stance fool you into believing a ceasefire was ever in the plans, not until 50's sedatives kick in. The vitamins on reserve have seemingly grown stale over time.
Let's not beat around the bush. Yes... 50 Cent re-engaged with Teairra Marí this week, with the same nefarious intent that oversaw his first act of defamation towards the singer/reality TV star. His dealings with Young Buck were just as pedantic, adding credence to a firmly-held belief that 50 Cent is a piss poor negotiator when it comes to building interpersonal relationships.
The lone exchange where 50 Cent allowed himself to be on the defensive, was inevitably not a real argument at all - as it came from a friendly yet unexpected source: A-list actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Ironically, the material obsessions of concern in Jake & 50's "staged beef" are of little importance to anyone on the outside, but I'm glad they shared a good laugh in a... controlled environment. With that said, let's investigate how 50 Cent fared outside that milieu, with his bully rate sitting above the .500 mark.
THE SWORN ENEMY ROUNDUP
The first order of business would be to explore 50 Cent's rivalries that require the least amount of exposition. I'm talking about foes like Floyd Mayweather, Wendy Williams, Teairra Marí specifically. To start things off, 50 Cent almost passed for a helpful ally when he gave Mayweather his repo advice. This past week, the semi-retired boxer went public with demands that his ex Shantel Jackson return a good number of his valuable possessions.
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Quite expectedly, no one misplaced the tone of 50 Cent's advice, rather they understand how petty his actions were - in drawing attention to his rivals dysfunction. Interestingly enough, should Floyd Mayweather that kind of counsel, 50 Cent would be the right person to ask for several reasons, all centered around his own track record in small claims court.
That's not to say 50 Cent was ever in the wrong. Rather, it speaks to 50 Cent's conniving spirit. It speaks to the many trappings of the mind that take precedence over 50 Cent's better reasoning in adverse situations. Planning an unsanctioned repo mission inside your ex-lovers house would require a level of petty I'd attribute to 50 Cent.
This week, 50 Cent gave Wendy Williams a pass for the better part of 24 hours, as incomprehensible as it may sound. By showing her leniency, 50 Cent drew himself closer to his own empathic journey. "Positive vibes only today, we are not gonna say anything about Wendy Williams," he posted on Instagram, by insinuating that her well-being hung in the balance.
As you likely heard, Wendy Williams has been mired in personal turmoil since Monday when she found out about her partner's decade-long habit of cheating with other women. Incidentally, that's exactly where 50 Cent regains his conscious step, because last year, he and Conor McGregor bickered over a cheating scandal. In that instance, McGregor was positioned on the opposite end of the spectrum of the cheating spectrum. Admittedly, even if 50 Cent is sympathetic towards cheating victims of the world, that alone wouldn't entail the basis for a moral compass.
Lastly, 50 Cent took some heat from Teairra Marí, right it where it hurts most: right in his pockets. She put together a pink-haired ruse, meant to delay the inevitable, the $30,000 she owes the G-Unit mogul, as ordered by the judge presiding over their very-public court battle. 50 Cent responded to the stunt by flipping the script on the recycled material.
50 Cent's undying fascination with embarrassing his friends is borderline criminal, and they rarely manifest into a two-sided exchange. Young Buck's relationship with his current employer-colleague broke down for this very reason, causing the Nashville native to request a jailbreak from his binding contract.
Not only that, 50 Cent's lewd commentary toward Buck in particularly has been problematic on a collateral level, as marginalized social groups like the LGBTQ community are often included in the subject line of his jokes. In this go around, 50 Cent resumed his antagonism of both Young Buck and the LGBTQ by insisting that his former protege was romantically linked to a transgender person. As innocuous as that may sound, the problem lies in the manner in which he uses pejorative terms like "trannies" to convey the message.
GLOBAL WARMING OF THE MIND
The final two incidents to report are of little consequence to 50 Cent's "everyday struggles" - the first of which involves him mocking a billionaire on his deathbed. Ehud Arye Laniad, the billionaire in question, died in the most unflattering way possible after complications arose during a penis enlargement surgery.
While he was alive, the Belgian-Isreali liked to party with models in his spare time. No one, 50 Cent-included, can rightly say they understood his motivations in requesting the surgical procedure. The deep-seated nature of Ehud's insecurities is likely explained by a serious of unfortunate events that date back to his childhood. They do say, bullies, are nothing more than insecure cowards, deconstructed. Could it be possible that 50 Cent chooses his targets with that in mind?
Lastly, Fiddy took a couple of easy shots at Jussie Smollett and R. Kelly, if only to satiate an overbearing urge for an easy rep. His attack of Jussie Smollett was far more scathing and scathing at that - the second MS Paint offering less damning that the fan art depicting a "Gay Tupac." Apart from that, 50 Cent barely switched his routine. The high-protein chef-on-wheels arrived as planned. He walked the pooches, threw his linens in the wash, what else? It' become rather evident that any fun derived from documenting 50 Cent's bullying lies in his powerful instincts for the craft, but not his business acumen or his music. This is the 50 we've been given, for the better part of eternity.